Noche Oscura del Alma y La Luz que Es La Vida
I figured I should give you guys a bit of an update...
See, there’s this guy… (that’s how all great stories begin, right? Hmm, actually no…) He’s been pursuing me for awhile and it wasn’t until recently that I returned the attention. Then he backed off (SO like a guy). I’ve come to the unsavory place of where I long for his company, beg for his time, and yet he remains steeled in affection that doesn’t come across as affection for me. And yet, it’s not that my feelings are too much (indeed, they’re not enough, as Lewis would chide), it’s just that they’re misplaced. I’m learning that my desires have to be more intense for God than these puny half-waning desires for someone else that only leave me self-conscious and drowning in teenage angst. What’s been simply amazing is the fact that peace has pervaded my person the past few days, showing me that “He Himself if our peace” (Eph 2:14). As David Crowder sings, “We need love, O divine love. We need Your peace, Your merciful peace.”
My boss sent me on an errand today to unlock the little white chapel on our campus this lovely afternoon. I jumped at the thought of getting out of my stuffy, cramped office to enjoy a few minutes in the beautiful sunshine and bounded out the door in a fine frenzy. I wish I had my camera… instead I took a mental snapshot of the tangible rays of sun shining through the trees and illuminating the top of the cross on the chapel’s steeple. And then, I turned the lock, and like a Narnian visitor, entered the silent, sacred space. I ran down the aisle to my Bridegroom, who I have been ignoring and avoiding for months now (“I am a whore, I do confess, I put You on just like a wedding dress and I run down the aisle…”). I made peace with my faithful God in an empty chapel with a lone piano, ready to be played and vocal chords whose sole purpose is praise. I must say, I’m glad no one walked in during those moments because they would’ve witnessed a strange sight of tears of repentance then joy mixed with a cacophony of shouts, whispered prayers, and urgent praise, all covered by the sound of an old piano. All I know is that I’m grateful to my boss who sent me away for ten minutes to be unknowingly refreshed in the presence of the Lover of my soul. Good stuff.
Then, I met with the folks in the business office, which, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the ways our financial department treats students, let me assure you, it is not a pleasant experience. Let’s just say I had an issue with my insurance covering my cross-country injury and am required to pay a very large hospital bill out of pocket, over $500 to be more exact. The thing is, my sources of income are minuscule and bills and debt are already drowning me. This is just adding water to my already-sinking financial vessel. That’s where I’m at, standing at a crossroads of trust and panic. Trust. He’s the only one who can provide for me. He has to take care of me. Now, I’m not one of those “name it and claim it” folks, cause I’ve seen plenty of people who have begged God to come through for them (in the midst of cancer, illness, broken families, and a myriad of other travesties that plague our fallen world) and Him not do it. However, He does provide for His children. I’ve witnessed Him provide in incredible ways for many of you who read this blog, as well as in my own life in the past. In truth, how dare I not trust a God is all about His glory and has proved His faithfulness time and time and time again?
So, if you don’t mind, would you say a prayer or two for me to not only find a solution but to remain faithful in our God who is SO trustworthy and faithful? Join me in watching Him do something amazing that brings Him all the glory. Cause I’m going to do something different this time and actually believe. Cause He is strong enough. He is enough.
See, there’s this guy… (that’s how all great stories begin, right? Hmm, actually no…) He’s been pursuing me for awhile and it wasn’t until recently that I returned the attention. Then he backed off (SO like a guy). I’ve come to the unsavory place of where I long for his company, beg for his time, and yet he remains steeled in affection that doesn’t come across as affection for me. And yet, it’s not that my feelings are too much (indeed, they’re not enough, as Lewis would chide), it’s just that they’re misplaced. I’m learning that my desires have to be more intense for God than these puny half-waning desires for someone else that only leave me self-conscious and drowning in teenage angst. What’s been simply amazing is the fact that peace has pervaded my person the past few days, showing me that “He Himself if our peace” (Eph 2:14). As David Crowder sings, “We need love, O divine love. We need Your peace, Your merciful peace.”
My boss sent me on an errand today to unlock the little white chapel on our campus this lovely afternoon. I jumped at the thought of getting out of my stuffy, cramped office to enjoy a few minutes in the beautiful sunshine and bounded out the door in a fine frenzy. I wish I had my camera… instead I took a mental snapshot of the tangible rays of sun shining through the trees and illuminating the top of the cross on the chapel’s steeple. And then, I turned the lock, and like a Narnian visitor, entered the silent, sacred space. I ran down the aisle to my Bridegroom, who I have been ignoring and avoiding for months now (“I am a whore, I do confess, I put You on just like a wedding dress and I run down the aisle…”). I made peace with my faithful God in an empty chapel with a lone piano, ready to be played and vocal chords whose sole purpose is praise. I must say, I’m glad no one walked in during those moments because they would’ve witnessed a strange sight of tears of repentance then joy mixed with a cacophony of shouts, whispered prayers, and urgent praise, all covered by the sound of an old piano. All I know is that I’m grateful to my boss who sent me away for ten minutes to be unknowingly refreshed in the presence of the Lover of my soul. Good stuff.
Then, I met with the folks in the business office, which, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the ways our financial department treats students, let me assure you, it is not a pleasant experience. Let’s just say I had an issue with my insurance covering my cross-country injury and am required to pay a very large hospital bill out of pocket, over $500 to be more exact. The thing is, my sources of income are minuscule and bills and debt are already drowning me. This is just adding water to my already-sinking financial vessel. That’s where I’m at, standing at a crossroads of trust and panic. Trust. He’s the only one who can provide for me. He has to take care of me. Now, I’m not one of those “name it and claim it” folks, cause I’ve seen plenty of people who have begged God to come through for them (in the midst of cancer, illness, broken families, and a myriad of other travesties that plague our fallen world) and Him not do it. However, He does provide for His children. I’ve witnessed Him provide in incredible ways for many of you who read this blog, as well as in my own life in the past. In truth, how dare I not trust a God is all about His glory and has proved His faithfulness time and time and time again?
So, if you don’t mind, would you say a prayer or two for me to not only find a solution but to remain faithful in our God who is SO trustworthy and faithful? Join me in watching Him do something amazing that brings Him all the glory. Cause I’m going to do something different this time and actually believe. Cause He is strong enough. He is enough.
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