Red Light...Red Light...GREEN LIGHT!

I’m restless in mind; my stomach is turning somersaults and my heart is ravished. I feel as though the cart has reached the top of the hill, the pulling clicks have ceased, and I’m precariously overlooking the rest of the ride, forgetting that I forgot to strap myself in. That’s okay – I’m safe, nonetheless.

I’m three days back. Like the crazy person I am, I
returned to work the day after landing back in the States. I’ve visited friends and family, each one welcoming me back “home” with a hug and the familiar statement, “I’m so glad you’re home.”
I’m at a loss for words when I attempt to answer their genuine statement with something equally authentic. They won’t understand my meaning though, so I answer with the likes of “It’s good to see you, too” or “It’s so good to hug
you, hold you, see you, too.” But home? No, I’m still not home.

Of course home is There. Around the great table, at the wedding feast of the Lamb. But my temporary home is across that vast ocean. It’s in the adoring gaze of my sweet 6 year old, Rashida; in the song we shared; in the billowing sea breeze that softly blew across the
massive pearl of Africa, Lake Victoria; in the red dirt that has stained the soles of my feet and stained the halls of my soul. It’s there, among those orphaned and exploited by a disease that has stolen their innocence and betrayed their blood. My heart - and some part of my near future - is planted there, in the fertile clay of the people with a new song of praise to our God.

I found myself one night last week in a garden, with the smell of foreign tropical plants perfuming the air. He was the same God Who I’ve always known, though He perforated the heavens in a different pattern, and I wept in amazement. I knew I didn’t know at all this God I claimed to serve. At once I knew I was not magnificent. He is so beyond. So for His glory. So sweeping and overwhelming. The Supreme Cause of everything, including my undoing.

What this means in actual, literal terms, I don’t know. I plan, I dream, I scheme of
methods that will all come to naught. I should listen to the advice proposed by
my fellow sojourner, taken directly from the Scriptures: “Delight yourself in
the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37 goes on to
advise me to Trust and Wait on Him. To fixate all my happiness solely upon Jehovah.

And so I wait. In a Divine game of Red Light, Green Light. Eyes fixed on my Bapa in
runner’s stance.