Accepting the Broken Pieces
I was at a party yesterday
when a close acquaintance approached me about the self I present on social
media and asked how I had come around to loving myself. I laughed, thinking
that her riot-sarcasm targeting my insecurities and self-worth issues was
beyond genus humor, (hey, I’m all into
self-deprecating humor, especially when it comes from other people) until I
realized she was quite serious. So much for irony being dead.
I say a lot of things to other
people that I need to hear for myself. And I think, just maybe, it’s a small
way I’m learning to accept and internalize some deep-seated self-acceptance.
That’s a far cry from the “loving myself” piece I’m trying to obtain, but it’s
a start.
For the better part of this
past year, I have led a group of precious and patient people in a yoga fusion
class that ends with a meditation piece. I’m utterly terrified to be in crowds,
so their patience comes in handy as I repeatedly stammer through the microphone
and mix up an elbow for a knee or reverse my left and right. (Am I the only one
on the planet who gets completely and absolutely stupid when nervous?! Natural
selection would’ve counted me out years ago if it hadn’t been for antidepressants
and caffeine!). But during that final meditation piece, I find myself
channeling the person I want so badly to become. I sit watch as they are
reclined in savasana, fully surrendered to a few moments of serenity and guided
meditation. They are vulnerable, and I am both the watchdog and the shepherd.
In that moment, I am self-aware, content with the person I am, and in that
acceptance, able to move out of the way so that other people can obtain peace
through my gift.
So back to my friend with the
ironic sense of humor. After the awkward moment of stammering through an
apology for not taking her seriously while simultaneously trying to describe my
very strange, possibly self-harming sense of humor, I said: “I’m working on
that every day.” Had I had the foresight, I would’ve followed that up with,
“I’m realizing that I can’t fully love others until I learn to love myself;
that I can’t expect to have patience with others until I extend that patience
to myself, first; and I certainly cannot accept all of another’s darkness and
insecurities without first learning to accept the broken pieces in my own
life.”
But how do I even begin to
love myself? Here is what I’m learning to practice and I
invite you to join in. Relax and take a
rare moment for yourself. Take in the
following thoughts and feel what it feels like to allow yourself to let go of
unnecessary stress.
Let Go of Perfectionism.
The
problem with perfectionism is having unrealistic expectations…of yourself and
others. When those expectations are not met, disappointment occurs. When
internalized, it can become depression. When externalized, it can become
resentment and further relationship problems. Combat perfectionism by learning
to voice your expectations and set realistic personal goals. Practice
mindfulness in the midst of chaos. Notice things out of place and learn to
leave them there. Give grace.
Stop Comparison Games.
My
creative outlet is photography. As such, I “follow” tons of other photogs on
social media to challenge myself. But some days, instead of it presenting a
helpful challenge, it causes me to nearly want to put down my camera forever,
thinking that I’ll never reach that level of technical proficiency, or have
enough time to travel to such-and-such place. It’s defeating. While there is
something to be said about learning how to not allow other success stories to
discourage you, it is also imperative that you learn what topics, people,
pictures, etc. trigger you to respond negatively to yourself. The best thought to have here is “Another’s
success doesn’t take away from my success rather it is just an example of
wonderful success! There is enough success for everyone to be successful,
including me!”
Be Grateful.
Gratitude
often involves looking in the rearview mirror and acknowledging how the past
has shaped the present. Keep a gratefulness journal. Pray instead of worry
(thank the Divine, the Universe, etc.) and
remember Spirit hears how you feel. Verbalize
your “thank you”s more to the people around you.
Do Hard Things.
Your passion and
purpose may lie just beyond the threshold of fear. Yep, you too may find
yourself twisting into a human pretzel while wearing a Britney Spears-eque
microphone, giving posing cues to a crowd, with fear-sweat trickling down your
back. Good for you – your chutzpah is showing! *wink*
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